i still try, holding onto silly things, i never learn

sometimes, i dont like my life.

firstly, the cds that people have so generously burned for me have been collecting dust because my computer (which is a bit on the ancient side) refuses to open it's portal thing for me!!!

2ndly- i haven't spent a saturday night without (or with allison :( i hate living in poopville ) the band in agesssssssssss n stuff. but last night i found myself playing ball with suki, eating all the girl guide cookies (chocolate!!!! \m/) among other pitiful activities. so, this allowed me to realize that kortni was hanging with taylor, chase was with aly, david was with tiff. mandy was with her imaginary boyfriend. so is it really that sad that i'm the only one left without a boyfriend? my plan for this year was to not get involved with anyone (with one exception) so i could focus on my music and gradez. i even used that as an excuse a few times to get out of some boyish situations. (my favorite still remains the good ol 'im pregnant....' which always omits hilarious results) anyways, it's no big deal. i was just thinking that i'm so over the whole FOCUS ON MY STUDIES thing, who does that??? so boys, line up. im open for business. (gtfo dirty mind)

LASTLY. in general i have been very bored this weekend. i was organising my smarties, eating the blue ones last. when i was done, i folded the box neatly beside the keyboard. it was then that i spotted the matches. matches are so neat. they make fire. so i had the brill idea of lighting my smarties box on fiyah, just like your sex. once i was satisfied, i threw the charred remnants in the trash..............................which started burning because i didnt put the dang fire out.

i was sent to my room.

!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!

*stares blankly at title box* haha

How come I haven't been reading my Harry Potter books lately? There isn't much in the world that can compete with my love for them!!!!!! I haven't picked one up since summer, when I made a half-assed attempt at reading 'Chamber of Secrets' while we were on our way to Toronto. This week, when I finally realized what I had done I found my 'Deathly Hallows' book and opened up to page that i had previously marked (probably 3642642 years ago) and spent a much needed full day laying on my bed reading Harry Potter. I was at the at the part in which Hermione disguises Harry's appearance with a jinx just before the Snatchers kidnap all three of them and take them to Malfoy Manor. Unfortunately, the Snatchers recognize Hermione and find the sword, so the subsequent questioning at Malfoy Manor soon takes a grim turn; Hermione is tortured by Bellatrix, who wants to know how they got the sword. While they are downstairs in the cage, they find themselves with Ollivander the wandmaker and Luna Lovegood the awesome. Harry uses the broken two-way mirror to ask for help, and Dobby appears. When Harry and Dobby disapparate to Shell Cottage, Harry realizes that something is terribly wrong when he sees a dark stain on Dobby's pillowcase.

It was at this point that I started crying. I haven't cried since September. What the Poop? I've had reasons to cry too, but I didn't. It just struck me as odd that I would 'frikin sob' over a fictional character's death (which I have read over 20 times now), when in reality I've had much worse to cry about. Maybe I'm not as tough as I think I am. Maybe I've become immune to disappointment in my own life. Maybe I'm just a huge weirdo that doesn't know what she's talking about.







... this blog post felt so wrong in so many ways. +10 to anyone who gets why

this is how we'll dance!!! when they burn our houses down!!!!!

i have a feeling that this will be the first post of many tonight.
i always find myself never having the time to update my blog, it really friggin blows. maybe.
major drama has been happening lately!!!! well, not reals. but i haven't really surrounded myself with dramatic people in a while, so i've kind of been unintentionally avoiding that part of my 'past' life for a while. anypoop, the whole shindig was actually very hilarious and outgoing!!!!!

some girls, eh?

ps- you guys better not piss me off or ill kick you off a 3 foot subwoofer and put a big footmark on your back, tell you no one wants you here and neglect you all night.......................................

drama queen post #1

i have dug myself a metaphorical HOLE. and it is the deepest of the deep. stalking this dude seemed like the right thing to do at the time, and having him approach me allowed my insides to dance the conga... i learned fairly quickly though that this was not my kind of guy. sure, white skinny jeans are appealing, and always wearing retro headphones is sexy but this dude.. got creepy real fast.

(.. stole your idea kevin sry) long story short!!!!! this guy is sellin his xbox to come see me, and he's stolen a credit card and will not stop sending me sexual text messages. i dont know if this is harrassment???? or just normalosity for moncton kids????

he has a blog on here, so thats why i've taken the extra precaution of making my blog private... actually i should make it unprivate at some point and link him up.

yeah!!! my heart turned black then the sky turned gray

people are misleading, people are disappointing.
and im disappointing and misleading.
=\
this week brought a poopload of realizations 4 me. a lot of my old friends have surrendered to the 'ideal' teenage life on the river, which includes wearing the same friggin thing as everyone else, having the same hair, same ridiculous pink streaks, drinking the same drinks, smoking the same joints, going to the same parties. i know it seems like im preaching AGAIN but it's just something i feel pretty strongly about. it's disappointing to me because somehow i expected them to not give into the pressure (its getting closer now!!! (8) )why is that image so darn appealing to kids around here??? why is it cool. it's just something that doesn't make sense to me. there are so many cooler things that you could be doing.. like hangin out with your OLD friends (who i really miss :( ), catching up and playing hide and seek and having internet parties like the good old days.
anyways, do you guys know the time???? oh yeah!! its EMO TIME.
i am a disappointment to myself. from my school work to my rep to my musical skillz to my shyness (why cant i be more OUTGOING haaaa) its just disappointment all around. am i ever gonna get over myself and actually try to reel a boy (that i actually care about) in? am i ever gonna learn to master my own instrument, and learn somethin other than back in black on drums? (i know its hard to get to this level of coolness)
anyways, stay fly