im so unsatisfied about last night. putting the whole sabotaged untuned-ness that ruined the whole setlist we planned out, i cant rock out.

theres so much pressure to do it too. cause kort, nick, david and chase have it all down and groovy and im just like...standing theres with my feet pointing inwards.

it's probably because im just not confident with musical abilites and whatnot and poop. and the shyness thang.

im gradually getting over that though, just today i went with tyler and kort and chase to bk and we proudly wore our hats in school.

dad came in my room tonight (!!!) and we had a nice convo. about the band and poop. he agrees with me about the noel thang, i think i just might call him up and ask him to jam with us, if kort and chase are down with it. uncle roland said that hes currently at like, 3rd year of college in the guitar department, i guess he's pretty friggin sick.

well, isnt this just DUCKY

i missed the first 15 mins o antm.

misery wont get the best of me (emo entry #1)

i cant take it, i have ta write in here.

i am currently being overwhelmed by newfound emotions. it is quite literally KILLING me. i think part of me will be content with informing anonymous readers of my never before heard rants.

im so sick of being NICE and GOOD all the time. everybody ends up taking advantage of it by being extremely mean to me, including what i considered my closest friends. they know they can get away with it because its not like id ever think of sticking up for myself, right? i dont ever want to start 'drama' or conflict with my friends, so i usually stay quiet.

this isnt working yet. i just feel dumb.

does anybody even want me to be nice? theyd probs enjoy my company more if i was loud and obnoxious like mike and xavier.

you know what guys?

ive never liked being (hilariously) ignored by everyone

and not once did i appreciate you telling me that nobody cares (you guys are so hilarious).

harold, you have to stop trying to be like everybody else and find youself. and stop picking such asshole like people to act like. you can actually be an awesome guy when you're not trying to be someone else. i cant understand you. but i suppose thats why i find you so captivating, you're so hard to figure out, when everyone else is so effortless for me.

i still feel dumb.

and for the first time in a while, a little..bad.

i've never really wrote about my feelings, and displaying them for everyone to see on the internet is defs rebelious to the extreme.

party on!!!

*names have been changed

this morning was surprisingly fun.
dad and i piled wood all morn, with the help of this hilariously badass tractor type thing.


last night was gorgeous and awesome.

hahaha my glasses are all fogged up and watery

i only just got in from my daily run,

i love running when it rains,

i just love running in general

on days that i dont run, i get noticably unhappy and pessimistic.

oh yeah

i got an intense eye infection

i was rockin out at school all day with stoned out redeyes

currently i have just put my perscription eye drops in (every 2hours yall)and i am forced to keep my eyes closedd for 3 minutes, so i have np idea how this entry will look

wooooooooooooooooo

line & sinker

i cant explain how much i love this song. or this band.

this song perfectly explains quite a few happenings in my life.

what you see is what you get!!

fishing for the answer with a line and sinker

look at me and dont forget!!

hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

what you see is what you get!!

fishing for the answer with a line and sinker

look at me and dont forget!!

hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

today, i dont feel pretty

and im tired of trying to fit right in

dont think that youre so great

'cause being great must suck

we dont always see the bright side

we all need ego suicide

you hung my head today

and i have licked my wounds..

and carried on

everybody needs some sympathy

santa seemed to miss my chimney

reality is truly scaring me

so stand up straight and firmly say

what you see is what you get!!
fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
look at me and dont forget!!
hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
what you see is what you get!!
fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
look at me and dont forget!!
hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

my heart is in the right place

so wipe that smirk right off your face

dont make me feel like that

'cause thats just plain not nice

we dont always see the bright side

and i lied when i said i was fine

you slapped my face today

but i have licked my wounds

and carried on

everybody needs some sympathy
santa seemed to miss my chimney
reality is truly scaring me
so stand up straight and firmly say

what you see is what you get!!

fishing for the answer with a line and sinker

look at me and dont forget!!

hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

what you see is what you get!!

fishing for the answer with a line and sinker

look at me and dont forget!!

hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

everybody needs some sympathy

santa seemed to miss my chimney

you stole my luck from me

and now my fortune cookies empty!

cause you came and stole it all from me!

so stand up straight and firmly say

what you see is what you get!!

fishing for the answer with a line and sinker

look at me and dont forget!!

hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

what you see is what you get!!

fishing for the answer with a line and sinker

look at me and dont forget!!

hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

growing my nails out? scratch that. my longest, and favorite nail (thumb) was promptly broken after writing my last entry.

today i had to make a choice between turkey dinner with the fam, or band practise with the band.

born for this is sounding pretty sweet, considering we are constantly without our rythem guitarist. (who today chose turkey over band) i'm going to make a mental note to learn how to tune by ear. im good with eadg, but when we play born for this in 430 drop d, well its little more than confusing.

my quest for downloading the billy talent discography isnt going as planned.

PROGRESS REPORT

after 1 week

this is how it goes

try honesty

devil in a midnight mass

living in the shadows

guten morgen!

and also happy thanksgiving!!

i am fresh out of the shower, and i am loving it. my visage has the familiar tingly sensation, thanks to my many skincare products, and my skin feels silky smooth (despite a fair amount of gashes on my legs from hastily shaving them)

i'm attempting to grow out my nails, but only on my left hand. thanks to bass playing i cannot have nails at all on my right hand, they get in the way. i used to be quite the nail fanatic, having a different design on my ridiculously long nails every other week. now, im all plain jane and naked on the nail side.

well i was in the process on finishing up my writing homework.

so i should get back to that

-lovecake

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i actually talked to him tonight. it was beautiful.

i also went for a run, and i didn't find myself constantly looking behind myself for following bears. upgrade!!

mom and i bought these amazing 8$ halloween cookies that are so yummy and delish and awesome, but they leave the most terrible taste in your mouth EVER.

im thinkin about calling someone tonight. i havent had a good phone convo in forevs, and im in a needy mood.

lovecake

.

okay so, i lied.